10 questions I've always asked myself about first dates

If the cover image of this article has awakened your indie soul enough to open it, know that what you're about to read is a series of doubts and questions that have regularly crossed my mind before, during and after a first date. And I'm sure it happened to you as well.

Whether you've met him on Instagram, maybe following the advice I gave you, whether he was an old friend or even if he's someone new, these are the things you've asked yourself at least once during a first date.

#1 What's the plan? 

THE question. Yes, because what you will do together can determine the success of the date. A drink after dinner, dinner, lunch, breakfast, an exhibition, going to the movies, the possibilities are almost endless. If he proposes a dinner the first thing you need to ask yourself is 'Do I really want to spend the duration of a dinner with him? Do we really have that many things in common?'. Depending on the answer you give yourself you'll opt for what's best for you. Be sure that if you invite me over for dinner I'll judge your furniture and the books you have on your shelves, cause that's the type of person I am. 

#2 What do I do if I choke on a bite? 

Tripping over, falling, dropping things, blowing your nose, coughing loudly, these are things that happen to me way more often when I'm on a first date, not to mention the poorest of figures. Let's say that you've agreed to the dinner, you're at the restaurant, everything seems going well, he looks good and has made a few funny jokes. There's only one big obstacle to overcome now: managing to eat without choking on a bite. If that bastard of a bite decides to get stuck between oesophagus and larynx, please act cool, make him talk, drink a lot of water, breathe deeply, don't let him see that you're actually struggling between life and death. When the worst will be overcome, with tears in your eyes and still a little be shocked, pick up the conversation in the most natural way possible. Even though the Heimlich manoeuvre could be a fun fact to start a relationship... 

#3 What do you do when you find out that you've dated one of his friends? 

One of the topics that will definitely come up during dinner is friends, who does he go out with, what do they do, how have they met, etc. It can happen though that not only you know one of his friends, but maybe you've already dated (or fucked) the guy. If you're a pro you knew this even before the date (you did your research), and you've probably already figured out how to handle it, being honest, being evasive or changing the subject. If, on the other hand, the connection is a surprise for you don't panic, don't reveal your cards, you don't know if he knows it, so be vague! The best thing to say is 'Oh yes, maybe I know who you're talking about, I might have seen him once', and that's it, shut up, shut that mouth and let him speak. It will be an issue for the second date (if there will be one...). 

#4 Is it okay to talk about exes? 

For many, this is the number one rules for first dates. For me, it's a myth to dispel. It's a rule too strict and absolute to be adapted for all the kinds of exes and relationships that exist. The important thing is that it doesn't turn into a monologue on him being an asshole, or on how much hurt you were and stuff. For me, it's always worse to ask what's your zodiac sign rather than talking about a former relationship, just saying... 

#5 His way of dressing could be a good reason not go out with him again? 

Short answer? Yes. I might be shallow, but if he shows up at the date with a pair of sneakers bought at a discount and a windbreaker made to go skiing be sure that I will spend the entire date thinking about his outfit. But if he arrives with a carabiner hanging to his jeans and a nice beanie he's already won me over. 

#6 Who pays? 

The eternal question that divides women, militarily deployed on opposite fronts. On one side those who think 'It's fair that he pays, at least on the first date', while on the other, the ones who think 'It's fair that we share'. Deep down I think that we should share too, but I don't want to let it show, at least on the first date. What I carry out is a real strategy that works 90% of times. You pretend to pull out your wallet, you keep it in your hand while you approach the cash register or while the waiter arrives at the table with the bill, but you do it very slowly, almost in slow motion. So when he's already given his credit card you'll act all disappointed. He'll clearly tell you 'Don't worry, it's fine' and that's your cue to fish for a second date, just by saying 'Ok, but next time it's on me', there you go. But if you find yourself with a man who says things like 'Do you have to 20s?' he's clearly smart, he knows what he's doing, you have to deal with it. As a golden rule remember that there's nothing less sexy than a cheap man. 

#7 How can I make him understand that I want to kiss him?

If he drives you home you'll remain sitting on that seat with the keys in your hands as long as he understands, you'll do anything you can to keep the conversation alive, leaning towards him when it's time to say goodbye, lingering for a few seconds when you're near his mouth. If you end the date outside the restaurant or on the street, make sure that you stand very close to him, while you keep chatting, and if he doesn't seem to understand there's a trick old as the hills: touch his arm. That should finally connect his brain to the lower part of his body, or at least this is what (male) sources tell me. 

#8 Do you fuck with your socks on? 

If the night ends with a 'Do you want to come in?', it's highly probable that you'll find yourself struggling with this doubt. This is a question that prescinds first dates, it's a real existential question. There's who keeps them on, who doesn't, who's a fetish, who takes them off right away, who's ashamed of their feet, who likes the other person to take them off, there's who keeps them on even to sleep, the cases are endless. But there's nothing sadder than a pair of socks with a hole on the big toe. 

#9 The size of his member could be a good reason not to want a second date?

I know that it might sound mean, but let's be honest. The disappointment can arrive right away when he takes off his clothes to reveal the size of his penis. I guarantee you that even if it turns out to be smaller than a baby banana, we as women try to act mature and respectful, we give you the benefit of the doubt, we try to calm ourselves mentally repeating "I'm sure that he knows how to use it". You know what they say, the size is not even that important after all. If goodwill and enthusiasm do not make up for the lack of size and experience, you have to possibilities: you give him another try, aware that chemistry might start on a second date, or you ditch him and you go happily home to your vibrator. 

#10 How can I make you understand that I want a second date?

Whether you ended up in bed or you said goodbye after dinner, every good first date is followed by 24/48 hours where you're assailed by doubts. Should I text him, no I shouldn't, I'll text him as soon as I'm home to thank him for the nice time together, I'll wait for him to text me again, you'll freak out. So chill out and figure out what you want. Do you feel like seeing him again but he doesn't text you? What's the problem, text him first. Wait for a couple of days and then hit him with a funny pic or a meme, don't overthink it. Take it easy.