What not to say to a woman on Women's Day

Women's Day has arrived, inexorable and feared as every year. While you are looking for an open florist - if the Coronavirus allows it - to take a bunch of mimosas for your girlfriend, mom, friends, aunts, grandparents, neighbours, March 8th can be a good time to take a little examination of conscience, I say to you boys but also to you girls. If we women still have a lot to work on, such as figuring out how to collaborate and be sympathetic to each other, you men have just as much, if not more, to do. 

Scrolling between Instagram and Facebook on the morning of the 8th, this is a short and apocalyptic prediction of what you might find in front of you. It will be a succession of posts by fuck boys or aspiring such - recognized by the sculpted but not overbearing abdominal, important jaw and beard measured with the ruler - that pay tribute to the women of their lives: their mothers. They declare that it's thanks to them that they have become the men they are, they thank them, they call them queens, they write that they have learned respect for other women thanks to her (which then in 80% of cases are also the same that don't want to put a condom on, but that's another matter.) Pay attention to it, and if on Sunday you will actually see what I just described it will be good to do nice and thorough cleaning contact. 

Given that today as never before this day will be full of mistakes, the ones that follow are a couple of tips on how to get out alive avoiding insults and blocks, trying to remain unharmed while doing the slalom among a thousand delicate topics. In general, these recommendations would be to be kept in mind every day of the month and year, not only on Women's Day, because it is too easy to arrive prepared on the day of the questioning, there are also surprise class assignments.

#1 "Not only am I a feminist, but I think women are even superior to men" 

They want to overdo it, impress you. If you dare to ask for some more explanation they will hit you with mansplaining that not even Amadeus to describe how beautiful you are. All this flagging usually hides a very different truth, so be careful. 

#2 "Send nudes?"

From January 1 to December 31, perhaps one of the most typed and sent phrases by the male gender, at every latitude and in any season. Rest assured that if we want to send you a hot photo we don't have too many problems, but we always decide how and when preferably when there is more chance that you will go crazy seeing it. We're diabolical. 

#3 "You were a waste of time" 

Usually, this statement comes in the form of a message, it is rarely said by voice. It's the first and irrepressible reaction of the man when the woman tells him that she's not into him, in various forms: that she does not want to go up to his house after dinner when after a week she admits that he is not her type when after several cancelled appointments and apologies more or more less plausible, she finally reveals that she no longer wants to see him. The scenarios can be different, and as undeniable as it is that communication from the women's side needs sharp improvements, this phrase in the female mind always translates to a 'You know how many chicks I could have fucked in this period of time while I was hitting on you?' Ugly on both sides. 

#4 "Did you come?" 

"I assure you that if you had come you would have noticed", the answer that we would like to give you, but that we are too polite to pronounce. Maybe a little more commitment would be enough on your part and you would immediately notice it too. We have neither time nor need of low dick energy this year, just saying. 

#5 "Sorry if I disappeared but..."

The beginning of the message with which they try to explain to you why they disappeared into thin air, evaporated, dispersed, for the last four weeks, after that things seemed to be going all right, and especially after they have continued to like your posts and watch your Stories. They will bring out work issues, very serious family problems, unresolved issues with friends and exes who could no longer wait, in short, they just could not do anything but behave like this. Let them crawl, said a wise one once. 

Illustrations by Ilaria Colombo exclusively for nss G-Club.