The seduction course with the cringest Instagram profile

You know when in those endless scrolling sessions on Instagram you come across trash profiles, objectively ugly and therefore irresistible? A few days ago a friend, victim of the same boring scrolling, thought of sending me an IG page with an unmistakable name - Playlover Academy - that had appeared among his sponsored profiles, don't ask me why.

After the initial shock of finding myself in front of a page, but what do I say, a real organization whose purpose is to teach how to hit on girls, something that I thought could exist only in movies, I started doubting the intelligence of Italian males after hearing their advice and tips. Make no mistake, here there's no Will Smith to dispense pearls of wisdom like in Hitch, but "qualified" trainers who as a requirement to be hired must have the appearance of someone who never fucks. All the so-called experts on the subject, led by trainers Steve and Christian, show up with unlikely outfits - tight polo shirts, V-neck t-shirts, some Nike performance items, a thick layer of gel on their hair, AirPods to look busy - and in the background that backdrop which looks like the Iperceramiche warehouse. 

However, the IG page is nothing more than the social expression of real paid courses that, according to them, help and have helped many men to overcome their fears and to relate to the female gender. It is impressive to see the number of courses offered and above all the thematic areas they cover - chat course, first date assistance, speed date training, PlayLover special training, just to name a few - so impressive that it is natural to wonder what kind of men can turn to such a service. In the very long descriptions that can be read on the website, it is clearly underlined that the lessons cannot be recorded nor is it possible to take notes, the same rules that apply in the White House. Like universities and schools, the Playlover Academy also had to reinvent itself in the lockdown months, and did it on Instagram, with videos and Q&As that are a slap in the face of decades of feminism. 

One of the most viewed videos is the one starring Steve - who loves talking about himself in the third person - and titled '3 devastating ways to attract a girl' (the adjectives and in general the linguistic choices of the academy's teachers deserve an article aside), which is nothing more than an accurate description of the clumsy pick-up attempts that every girl has seen or suffered at least once in their life, usually on Saturday nights in a club. Taken by a kind of delusion of omnipotence, Steve teaches that one of the most effective moves to try is to pretend to walk away in the middle of the conversation, pretending to be offended by something said by the girl, a gesture that according to him restores decision-making power, making it clear that the man needs neither that conversation nor the girl. 

In another video, which is the very definition of cringe, Christian gives tips on how to create sexual tension in chat, the best method to pave the way to physical contact, according to him. Leaving aside the advice given, which alone can make a woman lesbian, that of physical contact is an important matter for the Academy, which over and over again reminds us how fundamental it is, from the first meeting, to establish a physical connection, in order to reach a much more intimate contact further on. Christian himself in another video finally reveals the solution to one of the most dramatic problems of our time: ghosting. If the girl you were texting to disappears, it is important not to text her immediately, but to let a few days pass, because contacting her too soon would mean showing her your own insecurity, but not only that, it would mean that she is the only girl you're talking to. 

Besides very questionable statements, the PlayLover Academy captures some issues that for many can be a problem, such as a difficulty in establishing a connection in chat or how to ask a girl out in the best way, although it takes more courage to enrol and pay (even a lot of money) for such a class rather than asking a girl out. Of course, girls have their little tricks and mind games as well, in chats as in real-life dates, but the whole narrative of the Academy is imbued with a totally distorted vision of the female gender. As the trainers tell their students, the art of hitting on girls is a battle, a hunt, a conquest, every woman is a sort of mysterious and incomprehensible being, often crazy, a mythological animal impossible to seize. Everything is hyper-constructed, hyper-reasoned, there is nothing natural or impulsive, it is a war in which everyone wants to know the other's moves in advance. In the comments below some videos, the type of audience to which the course is addressed, and of which it is the result, clearly emerges. In the video about ghosting, for example, a bunch of white men in their thirties don't hesitate to say "Is a good 'fuck off' gone out of fashion? Not because she has a pussy, you have to die for her." Or "They no longer answer because we live in a society of rude and valueless women who are sought after by millions of men". In an absolute bipolarity, they want us, even if they hate us. 

Without going too far into this useless war between the sexes, especially because it's not worth arguing with alpha men without a minimum of culture or social sensitivity, I'm seriously thinking of asking a friend to infiltrate one of these courses with a microphone and a hidden camera, to see what a seduction course is really like. I'll keep you guys posted.