Why is it so difficult to relax?

Work deadlines must be met. Invoices to be paid. Shopping lists. Laundry and cleaning the house. Walking the dogs and maybe even looking after the children. There's always something to do on the endless to-do list. It has become almost impossible to switch off the brain and relaxation has become a meaningless word. We constantly have to fight the little voice in our head telling us that we should be productive, that the time to switch off has not yet come, not until we have hung the washing out to dry, fixed the dripping tap, tidied up all the pictures in the living room or completed the last task. It's a shame that this last task doesn't exist. There will always be another one. Why do we find it so difficult to rest? Why do we feel obliged to justify ourselves to others and even to ourselves when we take a break? Why does it seem acceptable for us to only do this when we are dangerously exhausted?

We are slaves to the "more is always better" approach

In our capitalist society, there is constant pressure to always be productive, efficient and active. Those who stop are lost. That's why we no longer know how to pause, live in the moment and celebrate what we have achieved. We have internalised the message that resting is not a good thing. We live in a state of constant stress because being busy all the time is not sustainable. When we are busy, caught up in our careers or in the daily grind, adrenaline drives us and causes a state of excitement that is almost like doping. The problem is that none of us can sustain this pace and pressure for long. If we don't stop, we run the risk of burnout, physical or mental breakdown, or both.

Feelings of guilt and imposter syndrome

The pressure to perform and the resulting risk of burnout are even greater for women. Let's think about it: when in our lives have we seen a truly relaxed woman, in healthy idleness, who takes time for herself without this break involving a second job? According to experts, there is a latent sense of guilt in the female universe that is fuelled by imposter syndrome and the fact that despite some wok examples, the bulk of the caring, looking after children, siblings and family members, still falls on them. There is an urge to perform above average, to not waste a moment of the day and, when there is free time, to devote it to others, to be "a good mum"," "a good daughter"," "a good wife".

The "pornography of productivity"

Even the practises recommended to women for relaxation are often activities that allude to a certain preconceived notion of wellness, to the complicated daily performance of being a woman: Yoga, shopping, skincare, cooking, reading, ... And Instagram and other social media play a crucial role in this because they act as a stress booster. When we scroll through our IG feed, we are led to believe that others are using their free time more productively and effectively than we are. Simply sitting still or doing what we feel like doing doesn't seem to be an option. And if it is, then it is not without guilt. The women we follow on social media don't spend lazy Sundays in bed eating junk food. They get up at the crack of dawn to do yoga, have lunch with friends, always look as perfect as if they've just come from the beautician, visit museums, read interesting books, go to the flower market, live in magazine-worthy flats, do charity work, walk the dog. And all this seemingly without fatigue, fears and imperfections. Seemingly, because it's just an illusion, but one that affects the way we judge ourselves and our need to put the rest of the world on pause.

Relaxation and holidays

This flawless staging, in which relaxation itself becomes a performance, appears even more insidious and deceptive with the arrival of the festive season. In theory at least, Christmas, New Year's Eve and Boxing Day are days off when many of us have the opportunity to take a holiday. But how many of us will really be able to take time for ourselves? How many of us will have the courage to put our own wellbeing first? To be sad, happy, tired, bored or whatever emotion or state of mind we are experiencing? Probably too many of us will choose to put family first, the need to look happy and festive on Instagram, the guilt we feel about make dinner, presents and smiles. What if we were to say enough is enough? Would the world come apart at the seams?