We can no longer tell the truth, even to our therapist

When something funny, amusing, bizarre, sad, or generally absurd and worth sharing happens in your life, what do you do? You probably grab your phone and share it on WhatsApp or Telegram with your best friend, your mother, or your partner. If you enjoy writing or drawing, you might think about how to represent it on paper or canvas. Perhaps, if it's something significant to your journey, you make a note of it, mentally preparing to share it with your therapist. If you have social media profiles and a decent following, your initial impulse might be to narrate it in the form of a video or a post. How do you narrate it? Exactly as it happened or by dramatizing the whole story? Moreover, have you ever invented something because you didn't know how to end a story or what content to post, or conversely, hidden something from your followers to maintain a certain image?

How Much Do We Lie on Social Networks?

Looking around on social media, it seems that the tendency to lie (or modify reality) is increasingly widespread. Lies are told to the indiscriminate audience of users—for virality, for likes, for gain (such as lying about the validity of a product asked to endorse), in both positive and negative contexts, to appear more interesting or more pitiable, or to receive donations. Part of this tendency towards duplicity, undoubtedly, is fueled by social media, making it extremely easy for us with virtually no consequences. Sometimes, one exaggerates their position, using strong and grandiloquent words to express opinions that are actually mild and empty, substantiated only in tone. The goal is the effect beyond reality. If the persona works, that's the end of it. Its limits must be respected, proving oneself worthy. In the end, it's the version of us that people like, not the real one, and that's the one to be projected forward.

We Are All a Bit Deceitful

This tendency isn't limited to social media. We are all a bit deceitful. We lie to be more likable, because we feel uncomfortable, because we don't like our lives. This tendency to separate person and character, to present on-screen representation of ourselves that is necessarily brighter or more troubled, happier or more mysterious (depending on the needs), might also be a result of other factors—fear of facing reality, low self-esteem, the need to feel heard, a tendency towards overperformance, and a desire for control—stemming from deep needs or lacks, seeping into our social presence and beyond the screen, poisoning our lives. Especially when we get so accustomed to lying even to our therapist.

Why Do We Lie to Our Therapists Too?

Exactly. Every day on social media, people recount their therapy sessions in great detail, admitting candidly to lying. It doesn't matter if they are white lies that harm no one. The question is, why do we feel the need to perform? Why can't we just be ourselves (and not our character) in a context, the psychological session, where honesty is the foundation not only of the trust relationship with the professional in front of us but also of our mental well-being journey. If we add the double layer, talking about it on social media, the situation becomes even more profound. What are we looking for when, after lying to our therapist, we share it on social media? Solidarity, community, someone to reassure and say "me too," or perhaps even a slightly casual anecdote about how dysfunctional we are? And we're back to the initial point.

Expert Opinion

According to therapist Carrie Torn, who discussed this with Bustle, there are various reasons why we lie. "One of them is that once something is said out loud, it can seem more real, more true," she stated. So, it's a sort of protective mechanism. Another significant reason could be related to people-pleasing. We want to please our therapist, reassure them that we're okay, distract them by making them laugh. "Humor is a great coping mechanism and a way to deflect from deeper feelings that may be uncomfortable," Torn adds. It's an understandable tendency, but not one to be ignored, especially if it persists after the initial sessions and after becoming comfortable with the psychologist. According to the therapist, the solution in this case is to communicate, explicitly asking the person in front of us to encourage us to open up and to point out when we are holding back. "Remember that the goals you have in therapy are your goals. You can be honest with your therapist about the things you don't want or aren't ready to work on at the moment," concludes Carrie Torn. Lastly, it's essential not to underestimate one last aspect. If we really can't feel comfortable with our psychologist, it might make sense to change. Trust is crucial, and during a session, we should be comfortable enough to say everything, absolutely everything, even the things we're ashamed of.