Do we still see marriage as a source of security?

As a woman who has completed her studies, is working, and is quickly approaching the age of thirty on this Earth, I have observed with dismay a significant resurgence of the marriage topic in my life, which until recently was completely devoid of it. Once seen as far from my horizons and those of my female friends - all busy building an independent life, often far from home - it has now re-entered the realm of our conversations, slamming the door and with the fury of a stampede of wild horses, and it's unsettling. My friends are officially getting engaged, the parents of other friends anxiously wonder when it will happen, when their daughters will settle down, there's talk of acquaintances' husbands, of unhappy people, wrong choices, ceremonies on the other side of Italy, and always in August, but why always in August, damn it? From 0 to 100, I find myself with something in my head (the sacred bond of marriage) to which I had never given even a thought until the day before yesterday, except to speak ill of wedding dresses with my mother.

What If We Don't Get Married? Taking a Leap into the Unknown

It's not about being child brides, like that Broad Girl meme, but about coming to terms with a rapidly changing reality. The truth, if we think about it for a second, is that we are, if not the very first, among the first generations of women and girls for whom marriage is not a mandatory choice, and remaining single (or unmarried) doesn't necessarily mean ruin, loneliness, poverty, and the status of bad news or the town's old maid. And don't wrinkle your nose. The stigma has existed and still exists, even if you don't see it firsthand. Just move from the city to the province, for example. This novelty, this newfound freedom that we haven't fully processed yet, unsettles us and especially unsettles our poor parents, who, even if unconsciously, dreamed of us in a white dress because seeing us in a white dress means seeing us settled for life, dependent on someone who is now obligated by law and the Lord Jesus Christ (or whoever) to give us a home, a job (the housewife with a part-time job), and, why not, even a child. A kind of handover, because we all know that women are packages.

The Return of Marriage and Our Childhood Dreams

Can you blame them? Times are more uncertain than ever, from every perspective. Family is transforming, like everything else, and taking different forms, alternatives to the traditional one. Often in these cases, the most fearful look back, idealizing a problematic past. It's the revival of tradwives and the death of the girlboss, the stubborn confirmation of that unwritten law that says even today women are the ones who must take care of home and family, as wives or older sisters. Let's be clear, there's nothing wrong with wanting to get married, dreaming of the marriage proposal on the knees since we were given permission at the age of 6 to watch television, a white dress that looks like a meringue cake, and lots of little children. And we're not saying that a modern marriage, where partners are equals, cannot exist. The problem is to separate personal desire from habit, the societal structure of the last 200 years and total freedom of choice. Shaking off a century-old conditioning cannot be dispelled with just 20 years of contemporary feminism, a TikTok video, or a well-written female character. It takes something more, something that can only come with time and an unanticipated and challenging dose of personal deconstruction.

Security Doesn't Exist, Might as Well Do What We Want

In a world where a secure work doesn't exist, buying a house is a utopia, becoming adults is extremely difficult, and the number of divorces is very high, what does having security mean? Little or nothing, unfortunately. You might then ask if it wouldn't be nice to set aside any issues (job and housing search, what it means to be women in this - hopefully - transitional phase, economic, political, and environmental crises, the responsibility of educating the men in our lives, deconstructing ourselves, stopping buying, abandoning impossible beauty standards—we could go on for hours) and simply throw ourselves mindlessly into someone's arms and stop thinking? Well, no. Firstly, because we are people, not figurines. Secondly, because marriage is not an economic investment or a meeting with the bank manager, and while the world seems to be crumbling around us, we still have a responsibility to those who came before us - and fought to give us the choice - but also to those who will come after us. Finally, because maybe we simply don't want it, and we have the permission not to want it. Now more than ever. Our parents (or whoever) will have to come to terms with it.