How to deal with a breakup

So, your heart’s been broken. You’re probably experiencing the different stages of grief and mourning what once was or the possibilities of what could have been but will never be. If you’re also recently single, let’s first get one thing clear — there’s no "right" way to handle a breakup. No matter what people might tell you, going through a breakup is very personal, and only you know what you need. Even if you have moments of chaos, just know it will pass, the messiness will subside, and you’ll feel like yourself again eventually. While you go through it, however, it won’t be a clear and clean path. Expect messiness, lots of emotions, and many ups and downs. Here are a few tips to help you get through the mess.

It’s okay to break down

Let yourself take a moment, a week, a month, or even a year, to feel everything. It’s going to come in waves where one moment you feel amazing, and the next it hits you all over again. This isn’t a linear path, and it’s okay to feel the sadness again even months after the breakup. 

Rely heavily on your support group

Now is the time to call in the troops. You need to have your friends and family around you so you can deal with your emotions in a healthy way. If you’re debating reaching out to people, take that as a sign that you should. Isolating yourself is dangerous when you’re left to spiral with your own thoughts.

Balance time together with alone time

While it is essential to have your support system around and on-call, giving yourself the space you need to process your emotions is also important. Take the time you need to have a good ‘ol sob — my favorite place is in the shower. Let yourself feel all of the gut-wrenching emotions, but then let them go. Let the sadness fade away and then get out of your head again. It’s all about finding a balance that’s right for you and your situation. 

Do what you want, lean into your desires

When you’re in a relationship, it’s normal to consider the other person in your decisions. Now that you’re single, lean into what you want and follow it. Give yourself the space to figure out your wants and desires again and let yourself experience them. 

Be open to the possibilities

You never know what’s around the corner, and while you probably aren’t ready for a serious relationship for a while, it would be a shame to cut yourself off from the possibility of some fun with someone new. Keeping your heart guarded while remaining open to new things is difficult and requires frequent checking in on yourself.

Get to know yourself again

Being single is a time to come back to yourself. Explore your passions and interests and throw yourself into the things you love. If you’ve wanted to try something but felt held back this is your chance. Sit with yourself and be your own support and motivation. 

Know it gets better

It will take a long time, and things will never be the same, but you will feel better again one day. It might happen slowly where in a few months you’ll look back and realize you’re happier, but until that day comes just keep your head up and keep pushing yourself forward. Breakups are hard, and while there’s nothing to make it better at the moment, keep in mind that everything happens for a reason. It might feel like you’re in a dark place, but with time, you’ll feel better and more like yourself. Remember to take care of yourself during this difficult time and listen to what you need — emotionally and physically. If you’re really struggling, reach out to your community or a professional for help, and know you’re not alone.