What it means to “be demure,” the trend everyone is talking about on TikTok

Have you just figured out what "Brat Summer" means and adapted by purchasing acid green accessories and adopting an unrepentant attitude? Well, you've made a useless effort because the next trend has already arrived: being demure. Or rather, "very demure, very mindful," as taught by beauty influencer Jools Lebron (@joolieannie), who, with a TikTok video on how to be respectful in the workplace, addressed to divas who were "[doing] too much" during their nine-to-five jobs, launched the phenomenon, kicking off a long series of similar content and memes. "You see how I do my makeup for work? Very demure. Very mindful." — and she continues — "I do my makeup, fix my wig, make a small braid. I don’t come to work with a green-cut crease. I don’t look like a clown when I go to work. I don’t do too much. I’m very mindful while I’m at work. You see how I look very presentable? The way I came to the interview is the way I go to the job. A lot of you girls go to the interview looking like Marge Simpson and go to the job looking like Patty and Selma. Not demure. I’m very modest. I’m very mindful. You see my shirt? Only a little chichi out, not my chocho. Be mindful of why they hired you."

What does the term "demure" mean?

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, the definition of demure is "affectedly modest, reserved, or serious." The word, which until a few days ago was unfamiliar even to many English speakers, gains a new meaning thanks to TikTok. For Jools Lebron, however, it has to do with attitude, aesthetics, and how one presents themselves. At the same time, it’s a statement of self-awareness and confidence in which irony and self-irony are fundamental. The creator uses the term to satirically describe those who are overly conscious or mindful of their actions and exaggerate everyday behaviors. Thus, demure is a diva who chooses to eat a salad after clocking out at the end of the day; showing up at the airport "very early, very on time"; making a simple braid; carefully tying their shoes; not causing a stir when entering a pool; buying perfumes made by a small business; opting for simple but polished makeup; and much more. There is no single way to be demure, as Lebron reiterates, "Demure is just a lifestyle for girls, for dolls like me."

Fall 2024 will be demure, even according to celebrities

Being demure quickly went viral, with hashtags amassing millions of views, and memes and videos multiplying rapidly. If, as Netflix declares, Rory Gilmore from Gilmore Girls is a demure girl ante litteram, many celebrities have been influenced by the trend and are declaring themselves part of the group. Lindsay Lohan described her straight hair as very demure, while Jamie Lee Curtis, who is working with the actress on the sequel to Freaky Friday, said that wearing a seatbelt in the car is very mindful. Penn Badgley, known for Gossip Girl, filmed some moments of his last day on the set of the Netflix series You, saying, "See how I show up to work? Very demure, very mindful." Even the official White House Instagram account posted, then deleted, a message that said: "Canceling student debt for nearly 5 million Americans through various policies? Very mindful. Very demure." But the demure fever has also infected makeup artist Patrick Ta, Olivia Rodrigo, Lizzo, JLo, SZA, and many others. The phenomenon has also invaded Spotify, where searches for "demi" playlists have increased by 1,000%. Some of the songs to get into the right mood include Brooklyn Baby by Lana Del Rey, Pink + White by Frank Ocean, and My Love Mine All Mine by Mitski.

Being demure is feminist

Some interpret the trend as an ironic critique of pick-me girls, the clean girl, the traditional wives movement, silent luxury, and more generally, the internet's obsession with boxing women into performances that promote exaggerated and restrictive forms of femininity. As Byrdie points out, according to fashion and beauty influencer and transgender activist Madison Werner, being "demure" in 2024 means being quietly elegant: "It’s a comedic commentary on how, according to long-standing patriarchal beliefs, femininity is considered attractive only if it’s pleasant and easy to look at." – and she adds – "Women are often told to be the bland accessory to a man rather than his equal, intelligent, and articulate partner." Demure is a playful reclaiming of oppressive patriarchal standards, demonstrating that all forms of femininity are equally powerful.