Low sex drive in women it’s more common than you’d think

Low sex drive is more common than you might think. In a recent study done by NIH, 1-10 women experience low sexual desire for no medical reason, leading to distress or interpersonal difficulty. Meaning outside of being asexual, there are women who have experienced low or decreased sex drive. This can lead to a lot of anxiety, especially if you're in a relationship with someone. Questions can pop up like "Is there something wrong with me?," "Is our relationship not as healthy as it once was?," etc. While issues with sex drive can indicate relationship problems, more importantly, if 10% of all women are experiencing this issue, why aren't we talking about it more? Even now, in 2024, it can still be faux pas to talk about sex drive, especially in public settings. The common sentiment is that if you're in a relationship, sex should happen regularly, but for a lot of women, this isn't the case. Even if you’re in love and have a healthy and happy relationship, sex can be challenging to keep up. So, if you're experiencing issues with your sex life, you're not alone, even though it might feel like it. 

What if you're not interested in sex? Let's talk about it

A recent study found that "60.8% of women desire sex three to five times a week," meaning if you're one of the 10% that isn't as interested in sex, it’s not just isolating, it can make you feel as though there's something wrong with you. However, this isn't true. It's completely normal to go through dry periods. Since conversations around sex aren't always the most comfortable to have, especially if you're in a long-term relationship, it can feel very isolating to go through dips in your drive. Just know you aren't alone. Even the relationships that seem the healthiest from the outside might have similar problems. 

Emily Nagoski's books and intimacy issues

Luckily, conversations around sex in relationships are slowly starting to become more commonplace with books like Come As You Are and Come Together by Emily Nagoski. In both of her books, Nagoski dives into the core of not just sexual issues but intimacy issues. According to Negoski, the two are linked. If you don’t feel like you can connect with your partner on an intimate level outside of sex, it can be difficult to then connect on a sexual level. So, how do you bridge that gap? Negoski argues that understanding what you want and need out of sex is the first step — do you want sex for connection, validation, power, or comfort? Is sex something you need to feel close to someone, or is it transactional? Does sex fulfill you or drain you? These questions are more are imperative to understanding your relationship with sex and rebuilding your intimacy with your partner. 

How do you see sex?

One of the reasons sex drive can slip is due to the fact that you and your partner want and need separate things from sex. For example, if you view sex as more transactional and your partner views it as a source of comfort and closeness, you’re going into the situation with completely different goals and objectives. One way you can repair things is by being open with your partner and being honest with yourself. Dig deep and try to understand what you want out of sex — and just know, there’s no “right” answer here. It’s normal for people to want and need different things, and the same is true in your sex life. 

Look deeply at your relationship

Additionally, if you’re experiencing issues with sex drive in your relationship, it might not be as simple as you “not wanting it.” Deep-seated issues in your relationship might make you feel you cannot truly open yourself up to your partner. Consider your relationships and whether they serve what you need for you to feel comfortable. If not, it might be worth having a conversation about your needs and desires. True partners will be receptive and understanding. 

Don't feel ashamed and ask for help

You shouldn’t feel alone or ashamed for having a low sex drive — those feelings might only make things worse. If you’re really struggling, consider reaching out to a professional for help. Seek our advice from trusted friends and confide in your partner. It could be that low sex drive is just a part of who you are, or it might be indicative of larger problems. Regardless, it’s not something to feel guilty about or ashamed of.