What to do if you've been cheated on

We love talking about betrayals (in books, on social media, in gossip) endlessly, analyzing, predicting, and commenting on them. The only thing we really don't like? Experiencing them. Not that this makes them any less common, quite the opposite. According to some studies cited by Resilia, an online coaching community providing support to those in complicated romantic situations, betrayal is the leading cause of breakups among couples in Italy. It is frequent and difficult to overcome, threatening not only the relationship but also the betrayed person's way of interacting with the world, their future, and their ability to trust others, to love, and to love themselves. And it's no walk in the park for the betrayer either, though that's not our focus here.

How to Deal with Betrayal

For this reason, Resilia has compiled a list of tips to cope with betrayal, to help those who are suffering regain balance and stability, redirect negative thoughts towards a healthy and proactive approach, dispel confusion, and avoid being impulsive.

Accept Your Emotions

The first step in dealing with betrayal is to acknowledge and accept your emotions. It's normal to feel hurt, angry, betrayed, and confused. It's important not to suppress or ignore these feelings, to give yourself permission to feel everything you're experiencing. Writing down your thoughts or talking to a trusted person can be a great way to process emotions.

Take Your Time

After a betrayal, you may feel the urge to react immediately. Acting without clear reflection might lead to choices you'll regret. Giving yourself a moment to calm down and think about what you really want is helpful to assess the situation rationally and make decisions that align with your values and long-term goals.

Seek Clarity and Communication

When you feel ready, it might help to try to have an open and honest conversation with the person who betrayed you. You might want explanations, to understand the reasons behind the betrayal, or to clarify your own feelings. Be careful, this conversation shouldn't turn into an accusatory confrontation, but a chance to understand what happened.

Avoid Blame

It's natural to feel the need to find someone to blame. It's understandable, but it's not productive. It's important to remember that betrayal is a choice made by the person who does it: everyone decides independently how to act, and what matters is exploring the issues that led to the final decision.

Set Boundaries

After dealing with the betrayal, it might be necessary and helpful to set boundaries regarding communication with the person who betrayed you or even your presence in the relationship itself. Asking yourself what is acceptable for you and what isn't will help protect yourself from potential harm.

Make a Decision About the Future of the Relationship

Deciding whether to continue a relationship after a betrayal is a highly personal choice that depends on both people involved, the extent of the betrayal, the relationship's history, the level of commitment from both parties, and the willingness to work on trust. The important thing is to do what's best for your own emotional and mental well-being.

Consider Professional Help

In many cases, seeking professional help can be a great support. Talking to a professional can help both in better managing your emotions and finding strategies to cope with the situation.

Take Care of Yourself

During a period of pain and distress, it's crucial to take care of yourself. This includes keeping an eye on your basic needs (sleep routine, diet, breathing, physical health). It will help keep a clear mind and strengthen your emotional resilience.

Rebuilding Trust

If you decide to continue the relationship after a betrayal, one of the hardest aspects will be rebuilding trust. It requires time and effort from both parties, but it can be achieved if there's a real desire for change and to repair the bond. It's important to be patient with yourself: it will take time.

Accept the Past and Move Forward

Finally, whether you choose to stay or leave the relationship, it's important to accept what happened and move forward. This doesn't mean forgetting the betrayal, but learning to live without it dominating your thoughts and emotions.