Open letter to men

It may seem counterintuitive, but it’s not. On the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women, our focus turns to men, boys, and young Gen Z individuals, who are increasingly vulnerable to radicalization. Women are already aware of these issues. They discuss them on social media, on the streets, in chats, over coffee. They share data and information, reflections and advice. They hear it from institutions, brands, activists, and influencers. Every day, and even more as this date approaches. They talk about it with family, classmates, colleagues; they argue with friends who don’t seem to get it, and they get angry. But who’s talking to the men?

Being a feminist doesn’t mean being weak, it means becoming a better person

Sometimes, men struggle to talk to each other. They find it hard to express their emotions and thoughts, thinking it’s a sign of weakness, something to be ashamed of. They have been raised to repress, to keep their fists clenched. They are victims of this pressure themselves. Violence and harassment, in reality, reveal much more insecurity and weakness than one might think at first glance. If force is needed to have any kind of relationship with a woman, perhaps there’s something wrong; perhaps they haven’t been taught to use other tools. Where does this come from? From a group that encourages it? From isolation that leads straight into the arms of Andrew Tate and other misogynists and violent figures who have made hate their life’s mission? From a desire for rebellion that pushes them to praise Turetta and feel threatened every time women demand something? From a society that expects them to be strong? All of this, and more. Being a proponent of equality and feminism requires a lot of strength, whether it’s in the solitude of one's room, the anonymity of a TikTok profile, or out in the world, with friends and peers.

There is a risk of losing the group, but it’s within the group that seeds of a better future can be planted

What if men started to reflect on these points? To treat women as people and not as objects on which to unleash their natural sexual urges, whether they agree or not? What if they went against their own upbringing and challenged the violent behaviors of others? It could lead to something wonderful, not only making women feel safer, but also benefitting men themselves, improving their relationships with others, regardless of gender. Some people might distance themselves, but others would come closer—people who don’t mock doubts or concerns, but embrace the effort to change, who forgive mistakes and discuss setbacks, the right words to use, and the elimination of harmful behaviors. Together, without judgment, but always in good faith.

Isolation creates space for radicalization and violence

In this perspective of connection, it’s inspiring to imagine a group of boys who aren’t intimidating, who don’t support each other in expressing harmful attitudes, but who form the core of a hopeful and desirable change. A good idea might also be to seek help from figures of authority—teachers, mentors, parents, and grandparents. If they are women, they can help to understand a perspective that isn’t our own and provide constructive feedback. If they are men, they can guide others in a journey of awareness by being a living example. The key words here are deconstruction, but also simply companionship. Loneliness amplifies violence and aggression, making possessive thoughts more frightening. Together, like the Flowerboys in the song by Saint Ivory, we should give ourselves permission to be gentle.

The expectations of fathers

It’s not easy, not at all. Everything is against this change: society, family, and heteronormativity. Feminism is still seen as an enemy, and the patriarchy remains questioned. Young men bear the expectations of their fathers, grandfathers, and everyone who came before them—the pressure from society that forces them, even when they don’t want to, to be strong and dominant. And if you can't achieve and conquer when you’re supposed to be at the top of the world, when society pushes you to the top, how are you supposed to feel? Unlearning the system requires support, kindness, therapy, encouragement, and community. As always, the approach needs to be community-driven, promoting emotional education, sexual and relationship education that teaches women to recognize the effects of patriarchy on their lives and break free from imposed patterns, but also does the same for men, who are systematically disconnected from their inner world and thus dehumanized.