Financial intimacy is the new romanticism

A watch? A new perfume? A face serum? Not sure what to gift for Valentine’s Day to your loved one? What if, instead of an object, you chose to give financial transparency? Yes, because in a relationship, expense management and savings are often sensitive topics that people tend to avoid due to embarrassment, to prevent arguments, or because of manipulation and control dynamics. Money and how it is spent remain something private and secret, even between partners, so much so that nearly 44% of Italians have hidden expenses or debts from their partner. This was revealed by a new survey by Klarna, a global leader in payments and shopping services powered by artificial intelligence.

Money and relationships: why is it still a taboo?

It’s part of our lives; we handle it every day—for food, clothing, streaming series, commuting, and just about everything else. We constantly worry about it; its absence discourages us, while having plenty makes us feel safe and confident about the future. But when it comes to discussing it openly, things get complicated. Think about it: do we know how much our colleague or sibling earns? Probably not, and the answer doesn’t change when it comes to the person we share our life with. So, despite 92% of Italians saying they feel comfortable discussing money with their partner, nearly half (44%) admit to having kept financial secrets, especially when it comes to small personal purchases—"innocent" indulgences like the latest Huda Beauty collection or a stadium subscription. The numbers show that 1 in 4 Italians (28%) have done this.

Financial infidelity: when money becomes a relationship issue

Unfortunately, it doesn’t always stop at small omissions. According to Klarna, 9% of respondents made significant purchases without informing their partner, 14% lent money to someone else without telling their partner, 8% hid personal debts, and nearly 7% own credit cards their partner doesn’t even know exist. In these cases, we can talk about financial infidelity, which consists of keeping secrets from one’s partner about their actual salary, expenses, existing debts, or even an additional bank account. It can also involve secretly overspending, lying about the household budget, and misusing money.

Money and secrets in relationships: the real reasons behind financial silence

The reasons behind these financial secrets are many. They stem from cultural beliefs that consider talking about money vulgar, the lack of financial education, particularly among women, who are still seen as unreliable and prone to impulsive spending, and different views on money management within relationships. According to Klarna’s research, 66% of respondents fear that admitting an impulsive purchase or another personal expense could spark arguments. 27% feel embarrassed or ashamed about their spending habits, while 14% say their secrecy about money stems from a lack of trust or security in their partner. All of this creates fertile ground for stress and misunderstandings that can negatively impact relationships, sometimes even leading to divorce. Back in 2018, a study conducted in the U.S. found that the effects of financial infidelity are disastrous for trust: 76% of married couples who experienced it reported relationship difficulties, and 10% divorced because of it.

Why transparency is the key to a healthy relationship

Everyone has a personal relationship with money that depends on many factors. But when in a healthy relationship, partners should be able to talk about it openly. To maintain mutual trust, it is essential to discuss how to split common expenses, be honest about keeping separate bank accounts, reveal purchases, or disclose any debts that need to be settled. Sooner or later, the truth comes out—and it doesn’t always end well. For 1 in 5 Italians (20%), lack of transparency has led to heated arguments, while another 20% found themselves in conflict because their partner discovered everything before they had a chance to confess.