Social media comments about romantic dating are increasingly ruthless

Have You Ever Seen You've Got Mail? In the classic ‘90s rom-com, a children’s bookstore owner and a businessman opening a book megastore chat anonymously online. They like each other and decide to meet in person. When he realizes that his online crush is actually his business rival, he pretends to have met her by chance and sits down for coffee with her. Not knowing he’s the same person she’s been chatting with, she believes she’s been stood up and tells her friends. Instead of blaming her for trusting too much or advising her to forget about him forever, her friends suggest he was probably stuck in an elevator without a phone or maybe even got arrested. No one calls him a jerk or tells her to erase his name from all social accounts. If this story took place in 2025 instead of 1998, her friends would highlight all the red flags, unleash a storm of insults toward him, and lecture her about being strong, setting boundaries, and never falling for fairy tales again. Social media would tell her to protect her self-worth and block him immediately.

The Harsh Evolution of Social Media Commentary on Dating

Once upon a time, conversations about love and dating were filled with kind advice, occasional awkward suggestions, and a lot of empathy. Self-help books, advice columns, and coffee chats with friends were the norm. But now? Dive into the comment section of any relationship-related post, and you’ll find a battlefield of brutal judgments. "If they don’t text you, they’re just not that into you" "Never settle for the bare minimum!" "Respect yourself and block them now." "Leave him; it’s obvious he doesn’t respect or find you attractive." Social media dating commentary has become harsher and less compassionate. But how did we shift from emotionally supportive discussions to a ruthless arena of criticism?

From Support System to Judgment Court: The Decline of Empathy

In recent years, dating has become one of the most discussed topics online. Romantic relationships have turned into reality shows that people follow with obsessive interest. Sharing dating experiences helps us process breakups, awkward dates, and the anxieties of meeting someone new. On TikTok, girls film themselves getting ready for first dates, carefully selecting outfits e make-up, then detailing their experiences -what was said, long silences, and their date’s reactions. Some even create Dating Wrapped - detailed PowerPoint presentations analyzing their love lives. This never-ending stream of sex, love rules, betrayals or other personal experiences has fostered an environment where strangers feel entitled to issue harsh verdicts and rigid dating rules in order to win the perfect partner, forgetting that relationships are too subjective to be categorized into universal dos and don’ts.

Dating as a Blame Game: Who’s at Fault?

Every experience is now dissected into blame and responsibility, reducing complex relational issues to simplistic self-worth assessments. If you’re single, you must have low standards or not be attractive enough. If you’re heartbroken, there’s no space for vulnerability. Phrases like "if they don’t call, they’re just not interested" or "never settle for less than a king" oversimplify intricate emotions, unfairly placing responsibility on one side, usually women in heterosexual relationships. Jenny van Hooff, senior sociology lecturer at Manchester Metropolitan University, explains that while relationships can end due to a man’s behavior, women are often blamed for failing to prevent their partner’s shortcomings: "Unfortunately, maintaining relationships is often seen as women’s responsibility. They invest more in managing both their partner’s and their own emotions. As a result, women hold each other to higher standards, leading to feelings of exhaustion, underappreciation, and insecurity."

The Influence of Dating Coaches and Digital Trends

Social media has birthed a wave of self-proclaimed relationship gurus with no psychology or therapy background, dishing out viral dating advice. On TikTok, Instagram, and Twitter, dating advice is often reduced to provocative, polarizing statements designed for engagement rather than genuine guidance. These so-called experts rely on catchy slogans, sharp one-liners, and viral buzzwords like bare minimum man, high-value woman, ghosting, and fating, encouraging rigid and unrealistic relationship standards. But love isn’t a formula, and relationships aren’t math equations. Behind every story are real people, not numbers.

When Dating Becomes a Battlefield

Rather than fostering mutual understanding, many online discussions fuel a cynical view of dating, exploiting the fear of being hurt or manipulated. Those who share personal love experiences online often face waves of humiliating comments, being labeled naive, desperate, or having “low standards.” If someone dares to open up about a bad dating experience, they don’t receive support but instead a flood of sarcastic and judgmental remarks. How many times have we heard: "You really let yourself get to this point?" or "You don’t know how to demand respect" disguised as empowerment but actually rooted in humiliation? All this contributes to a climate of shame that discourages authentic dialogue.

It’s Time to Change the Narrative

This harsh approach turns dating into a chess game, with partners seen as strategic moves rather than human beings. Social media makes it seem like love is a battlefield where you either win or lose. If you compromise too much, you lose value; if you show restraint, you hold the power. As a result, more people enter the dating world terrified of being taken advantage of, building emotional walls instead of authentic connections. The outcome? A colder, more fragile dating landscape, where the fear of rejection and social judgment outweighs the desire for genuine intimacy. Relationships start to feel more like business negotiations than love stories. Maybe it’s time to take a different approach. Being direct doesn’t mean being cruel, and self-awareness doesn’t require looking down on others. We can talk about dating honestly without turning every conversation into a courtroom battle. Love isn’t about winning or losing, it’s about understanding, learning, and growing. And sometimes, it simply deserves a little kindness.