Benny Blanco: green flag or skilled speaker?

When Selena Gomez went public with her relationship with producer and songwriter Benny Blanco in December 2023, the public reaction wasn’t exactly kind. Now, in just a few days, Benny Blanco has become one of the most respected people on the planet. It only took two interviews: the first, with Daniel Wall, revealed that Blanco is the mastermind behind many of the most iconic hits of the 2010s (California Gurls and Moves Like Jagger ring a bell?); the second, alongside Selena Gomez on Jay Shetty’s podcast On Purpose, turned Benny Blanco into a walking green flag. Once a semi-unknown guy with an eccentric edge, like his quirky habit of painting his toenails, Benny Blanco is now the blueprint for the kind of man everyone dreams of. How? Thanks to a solid (and rare!) dose of emotional intelligence and masterful ars oratoria.

Men, Learn to Listen (From Benny Blanco)

There’s no doubt that Benny Blanco has a way with words. He even admitted it himself: he spews them out in an almost uncontrollable flow, often stumbling, repeating, starting over. But in that chaos—which also speaks volumes about his creative abilities, Blanco managed to convey essential messages about the foundations of a healthy and stable relationship. First and foremost: the secret is learning how to listen. “I think the biggest problem people have, especially men, is that we don’t know how to listen,” he told Jay Shetty. “A woman will tell you exactly what she needs [...] if she’s upset about something, she’s probably told you more than once, and you just weren’t paying attention. So listen—and don’t just be reactive, do those things proactively.” For example: “If you’re far away, focus on something you know will make the other person feel better.” Easier said than done, apparently harder to practice.

People and Their Emotional Baggage

But it doesn’t end there, because Selena Gomez’s boyfriend hit another subtle yet significant point in understanding any kind of human relationship. “When you date someone, you’re actually dating every single relationship they’ve ever had,” said Benny Blanco. “Their entire emotional baggage: everything they’ve learned from personal experiences, from previous partners, from their parents.” Because no one is an island, and expecting someone to wipe their slate clean every time they meet someone new is both utopian and harmful. So, once again, it comes down to listening, understanding the other’s weaknesses, and finding a way to align your own with theirs in a kind of perfect yin and yang. That doesn’t mean blindly agreeing, but also learning how to respectfully disagree.

Selena Gomez is "The easiest person to love"

The way the producer talks about his girlfriend is almost disarming, it’s sweet but also remarkably clear-headed, never overly sentimental. Blanco called Selena Gomez “the easiest person to love,” a stunningly beautiful declaration in its simplicity. Everything he says reflects a grounded rationality. Never cynical, but with a quietly firm belief in others. As he put it: “I trust people until they give me a reason not to.” Which, honestly, might be the best way to approach life, without unnecessary preconceptions or baseless anxieties. Of course, it’s also key to manage crisis moments. Apparently, the secret (who would’ve thought!) is to stay calm and communicate. “When I see something’s going wrong (meaning his girlfriend is getting upset), I try to steer the missile, not add artillery to it.” In other words, don’t throw gasoline on the fire. Try to figure out what’s not working: learn to defuse, don’t insist on being right, nor give in just to appease. And then, learn how to use your words: remind people why they matter to you, why they’re special, why you love them. Of all the love languages—no matter how questionable their origin—words of affirmation might be the one where men fall short the most. But somehow, Selena Gomez’s future husband gave us hope: in a world of incels led by Andrew Tate, be a Benny Blanco.