More women are sharing their experiences with male escorts

For a long time, the idea of paying for sex was considered a male prerogative. Today, however, it seems that women – of various ages – are increasingly sharing their experiences with male escorts online. Even though there is no precise data on the subject, the wider sharing of direct experiences on the internet may help reduce the stigma associated with seeing gigolos – who are contacted not only to satisfy sexual desires but also to meet emotional needs that traditional relationships don't always fulfill. Recently, the author Arianna Dell'Arti told the story of Emma and Margherita (fictitious names) in the Post, two women who, for different reasons, regularly turn to escorts. With them, the first explains, «there’s professionalism, you know what you’re getting», and adds: «Over time, a relationship has formed; we talk on the phone, we share our stories.» For Margherita, choosing to rely on a sex worker represented a form of personal empowerment – a way to overcome her husband's betrayal.

Just over a year ago, the Guardian also shared the stories of two women who decided to turn to escorts to deal with specific personal issues. The first, Ellie (another fictitious name), spent most of her life focused on her studies and career, the British newspaper explains, without ever having a sexual experience – but the idea of a casual encounter with a stranger didn’t fully convince her. After meeting escort Dan Moon on social media, she decided to have her first time in a safe, controlled environment; she later described it as «Donne e Sex Work Maschile: Storie, Scelte e Stigmathe nicest thing anyone has ever done for me.» «I felt safe,» she adds. «Dan [...] actually awakened something in me that I think had been dormant or hidden.» The Guardian also reports on Sally’s story (fictitious name), who saw Dan Moon for years, building a relationship that went beyond the sexual experience. «I wasn’t looking for anything more than physical intimacy, but over time something deeper developed.» Moon himself, who worked as an escort for several years, says most of his clients were mainly seeking kindness and attention. «Sex probably accounted for only 20% of the encounter; the rest was listening,» he explains. Many of the women who approached him were in unhappy marriages, no longer felt in tune with their partners, or were simply looking for a sexual experience without judgment.

In the book Time For Her, Moon sought to destigmatize the work of male escorts. From a legal point of view, prostitution is regulated in different ways depending on the context. The prohibitionist model, adopted for example in Croatia, punishes both the sex worker and the client, as well as anyone facilitating the activity. The abolitionist model, present in Italy or Spain, does not criminalize prostitution directly but discourages it by punishing behaviors connected to it – such as aiding or exploiting it. In the Netherlands, Austria, and Germany, by contrast, the prevailing approach aims to decriminalize the phenomenon through regulation. Finally, the so-called Swedish model is based on criminalizing the client, starting from the assumption that anyone involved in prostitution – regardless of gender – is always and inherently a victim of exploitation.

Recently, the post I am a woman and I pay for sex on Reddit sparked a wide discussion on the platform. The author explains that she is very introverted and uninterested in romantic relationships, and that she consciously chose to pay in exchange for sexual services. Her reasons, she says, are varied. First of all, she did not find satisfaction in matches from dating apps, feeling intimidated during dates with nearly strangers. Moreover, she wanted to have a controlled, clean, impersonal experience focused solely on her sexual desires: she isn’t interested in building emotional bonds but only in obtaining physical pleasure. This testimony helps shed light on the growing distinction between sex and love in today’s society. According to the latest Censis-Bayer report, about twenty years ago just over 35% of Italian women believed the two could be separated, while today this figure has exceeded 70%. A recent survey by Cosmopolitan reached similar results, with 65% of respondents saying they view sex and love as separate. The idea that sex can exist outside of the romantic sphere reflects how personal pleasure is becoming an increasingly central part of psychological well-being. But the changing attitude toward sex work for women also seems to be encouraged by greater openness in public debate, along with the growing availability of resources and testimonies online that help reduce stigma and normalize this choice.