What is an au pair? The scandal on TikTok

If you thought being an au pair was a modern-day fairytale like The Princess Diaries, babysitter edition, think again. A wealthy foreign family won’t end up adopting you and turning you into a “princess.” It might have been smarter to set your expectations closer to Uptown Girls or The Nanny Diaries. But even then, you’d still be too naive. Real life isn’t a 2000s rom-com. If you’ve ever dreamed of flying across the world, living for free in a villa, and getting paid to look after two adorable kids… well, time to wake up, girl. The latest to find out the hard way is Ella Katherine, aka @ellarkatherine. The 21-year-old from Richmond, Virginia, maybe pictured herself living "la dolce vita," but instead, she lasted a whopping four days in a Milanese house before secretly fleeing in the middle of the night. Let’s break it down.

What Does It Mean to Be an Au Pair?

Being an au pair means temporarily living abroad with a host family, helping mainly with childcare and light housework. In exchange, the au pair receives free room and board and sometimes a small allowance. It’s not exactly a job, but more of an informal agreement guided by international standards and, in some countries, specific legal frameworks. The main goal? Cultural exchange — allowing young people (typically between 18 and 30 years old) to improve language skills, experience new cultures, and gain international life experience.

Au Pair: Dream Job or Well-Packaged Nightmare?

Becoming an au pair sounds like the perfect move if you’re desperate to escape your life, live abroad, and stack up picture-perfect content for your feed. A chic house, adorable kids, photogenic breakfasts, long TikToks exploring the city, and meeting effortlessly cool people. Dreamy, right? Sure — on paper. Too bad that glittery promise often hides a full-time, underpaid job... or worse. Every au pair experience is a roll of the dice: it all depends on the family you land with. Some end up in Paris sipping cappuccinos while the kids nap (lucky them), and others find themselves scrubbing floors 12 hours a day while toddlers throw Barbies at their heads and wipe snot on their new t-shirt. And since there’s usually no official work contract in most countries, the au pair status floats in a legal gray area, built on trust, adaptability... or, as shown in the recent viral TikTok saga of Ella Katherine, on your ability to pack your bags fast.

Ella Katherine: Four Days in Milan

She left Virginia chasing her Italian dream. She ended up booking a tearful flight home. Ella Katherine, better known on TikTok as @ellarkatherine, shared her whole au pair Milan disaster story — and went viral within hours. It was supposed to be a months-long au pair experience helping an Italian family with their child, living in the fashion capital, maybe snapping a few cute cappuccino-and-croissant shots. Here’s how it really went down. Ella said she found the host mom through Au Pair World. After FaceTiming and, despite no formal contract, they agreed on an 85-day stay with duties like waking up the child, changing him, prepping warm milk, dropping him at school, picking him up at 6, heating up dinner, and tidying up. She was promised Friday afternoons and weekends off. When she arrived, though, reality hit — or at least that’s what she said while nervously sipping a calorie-loaded smoothie from the safety of home. Her detailed story came with tears, hysterical laughs, and lots of “girl, don’t do it!” warnings. Major red flags? The dad didn’t speak English, causing a language barrier; she had to use public transport alone; her responsibilities included giving the child baths; she worked way longer hours than agreed, with no real breaks or personal freedom (no spontaneous trips to Portofino, sadly); and she felt "unsafe" due to the general situation and the mysterious job of the host dad. By day four, Ella Katherine decided to bail. She packed her stuff, filmed herself sneaking out, and documented the whole escape for her followers.

The Moral of the Story

The TikToks blew up. Comments split into two camps: those cheering for her, yelling “FREE ELLA” and “run queen,” urging her to expose the Milanese host family (TikTok basically launched a hunt to identify them) — and those calling her out for not researching enough before leaving, branding her a privileged, whiny, immature girl who should’ve at least talked to her hosts before ghosting. And, as always, the truth lies somewhere in the messy middle. Being an au pair can be an amazing adventure — or a glitter-wrapped disaster. And spoiler: you often don’t know which one until you’ve packed your suitcase, hopped on a plane, and landed in a totally unfamiliar city. Ella probably got crushed between dreamy expectations and a reality that had zero rom-com sparkle. And TikTok, obviously, doesn’t forgive: one minute you’re the fearless runaway hero, the next you’re the spoiled rich kid who couldn't handle real life. Lesson? Have a solid plan B before you go. And remember that even the “best experiences in the world” need handling with care. Instagram rarely shows the babysitters (or the rest of us) crying alone in their rooms, or the hard stuff — the anxiety, the loneliness, the fear of being completely alone in a strange place. Maybe Ella wasn’t mature enough to realize that real life isn’t a romanticized story. And if she didn’t feel safe, good thing she left. Every experience is different.