A practical guide on how to deal with Coronavirus

As much as one tries to remain calm and not panic, walking around an empty Milan, deserted as if it was August, is quite striking. Coronavirus showed up as the unexpected guest of this Fashion Week, generating more than one cancellation and change of schedule, as we've reported here. 
Whether you're adding to your Amazon cart the latest Amuchina or you're waiting for the latest drop of medical masks as it was the latest Jordan release, let's try to defuse this situation, trying to focus on what might the advantages of such an unusual emergency. 

The last fuck

We don't know how things will evolve, if we'll have to remain home for a week or if things will get better soon. As uncertain it is, this could be a very fruitful moment for your sex life, don't wrinkle your forehead, I see you, don't star being so sceptical, hear me out. Right now I feel like you should maybe postpone or put on hold you Tinder matches dates  - the question 'I wonder if he'd ever been to Codogno' will keep you up at night -, but you could take advantage of the last hours of freedom to hang out with your friend with benefit to keep your mind off what's happening in the world. If you don't feel like taking risks and leaving the house, you DMs will be on fire, if you need some inspiration here you can find a few good tips for a great session of sexting. 

The last hookup

This kinda apocalyptic atmosphere, on the other hand, might turn out as the perfect reason to try it all and hit on that one person which is way out of your league. They just need to ask themselves the question 'Will I sleep with him/her if he/she was the last person on earth?'. And even it's not your forbidden dream, hitting up with a joke on the Coronavirus might be a good way to break the ice with that dude you keep watching his IG Stories but never found the courage to text him. The final proposal will be to spend the quarantine together, let's look on the bright side come on. 

Binge-Watching 

Coronavirus is exactly the excuse you were waiting for to stay home, turn on the TV and never leave your couch for any valid reason. Options are basically endless but be careful with the shows you choose, they might affect your unstable mood. Bojack Horseman is only for those really strong and with a heart of stone; after Narcos: Mexico you will keep thinking about Quavo's Versace shirt while he shows how to smoke crack (sorry for the mini spoiler); Hunters if you don't feel like watching a historically accurate show on Americans hunting down Nazis; The Goop Lap if you feel like finding out everything involving vaginas and the female pleasure following Gwyneth Paltrow's crazy business. You can even start a Friends marathon waiting for the cast reunion. Can we stay home through March to catch up with Netflix catalogue? 

Chill 

In situations like this, it can be easy to get caught in panic, but there are remedies also for this bad disease. There's no need to look at someone coughing or sneezing the wrong way on the bus, at a bar or on the street, try to talk some sense into your mum explaining that it's not the apocalypse, thank your aunt for the tips on how to face this emergency written by Barbara D'Urso but then don't follow it, avoid the news at every time of the day and of the night. While you're at home enjoying the latest Sex Education episode you will feel like eating some Chinese food, don't overthink it and open the Glovo app. 

Online Shopping  

You are really one of those people who still shop in actual stores? The Coronavirus emergency is what you needed to realize that shopping is way better from the couch of your house, especially because from one place you can range from the sneakers of the season to watches, leather shirts and sex toys, you won't lack anything. Make sure that Nutella Biscuits are not sold out everywhere, otherwise, if you happen to have 15k $ in your pocket you can always cop the Supreme Oreos.