I won't stop sending pics because of Telegram

I am not ashamed to admit that it has happened to me over and over again to send so-called intimate photos to different people or to post not strictly demure stories. 

It is interesting that the first noun that came to my mind is 'shame', not only because in these news stories - like the last one linked to yet another closed Telegram chat - it is convenient for many to blame and criminalize women for having sent or posted a certain type of photos, but above all, because in many cases it is the women themselves who are not cohesive and supportive in this sense. In a remote corner of my head, the question arises, immediately silenced, 'Who knows if there are also photos of me on those chats', not for reasons of pride, but out of pure curiosity - and a little fear. It all seems very far away, like those things you know that can happen but that you think could never happen to you. When events of this type come to light, it is as if a kind of mental mechanism were triggered, so you feel compelled to justify your choice, to somehow find a plausible excuse for a denigrated activity that is, in fact, part of now of our lives and our sexuality. 

I happened to send intimate photos I said, to people with whom I had great confidence - with whom I went out, or with whom I had already had intimate relationships - but also with others that I was still knowing and that perhaps I had never seen. Beyond personal responsibility, and being aware of what is being done, perhaps naively, I expect that what is created between two individuals is a sort of safe zone, I expect a certain relationship of trust for which those photos will remain private, always and in any case. For this reason, the definition revenge porn seems far from my everyday life, because as I see it, those who share certain photos do not always do it to take revenge on a relationship that ended badly, but simply to team up with male friends, a new version of the 'who has it longer' based on the photos you receive in DM. 

It is clear that it is up to each of us to decide whether or not to send certain photos or to whom, or even simply to post them or not. But this is not the point, because the photos are only the tip of the iceberg of a cultural and rooted problem. Among the thousands of people who are in those chats, it is obvious that they are not all rapists, but those chats are the worst symptom and manifestation of a very complex and stratified mentality. There are many factors that contribute to creating a fertile environment for the birth and proliferation of these chats: not only a predominant macho culture but also the impossibility for many to have a true and direct relationship with a woman, to which they add expressions and desires connoted violently, also the result of an unreal and often violent representation of sex in the world of porn. To amplify all this is added the so-called toxic brotherhood, the tendency to make a group by the man which is based on the objectification and extreme sexualization of the female body, a very dangerous attitude, especially for those who are just beginning to explore and get to know their sexuality. 

As often happens when news of this type emerges, it seems that indignation and dismay are felt only by women, as if we were the only ones involved in the problem. I don't know if it is a matter of conscience or of pure human decency, but do the people who find themselves in those famous chats, while not sending anything and without commenting on anything specifically, feel at ease with themselves? Probably yes, because those images end up losing their human component, to remain bodies (in the best case to be fucked). 

It has happened to me after reading such news to think for those extra three or four seconds before opening the camera or before hitting send. Most of the time I felt stupid for doing it and went on my way without giving too much thought to that thought, and I don't see why this time it should be any different. It is not about resignation or wanting to ignore the problem, but the solution is not to stop sending these photos. Unfortunately, we need a wider and even longer work, we need to talk about it, always and a lot. Maybe the change will start by not defining a girl 'a whore' for publishing a photo of a certain type or by making understand the difference between sexting (healthy, beautiful and funny) and an unsolicited dick pic, maybe it will go through the awareness of the men of themselves, their desires and their relationship with women, to achieve total gender equality. An evolution that still seems very utopian to me. 

Cover illustration by Ilaria Colombo exclusively for nss G-Club