Lily Collins spoke about toxic relationship with ex

Last month, at the conference where she announced that she had donated her seal of approval from Sanremo to the Di.Re. association, Chiara Ferragni had talked about being involved in some toxic relationships in the hope that many other women who are experiencing or have experienced something similar and are victims of psychological violence by a man will feel less alone and push for help. Now it's another celebrity sharing a snippet of her personal story, once again drawing attention to a problem that is rife in our patriarchal society. In an episode of the podcast We Can Do Hard Things, where Glennon Doyle talks to his guests about life's difficult moments, Lily Collins told of her painful romantic past:

«My romantic, toxic relationship was a lot of verbal and emotional abuse and being made to feel very small. I became quite silent and comfortable in silence and feeling like I had to make myself small to feel super safe».

She went on to explain that this went back to when she was in her early twenties and that her partner at the time humiliated her by calling her «little Lily» and using «awful words» referring to her clothes, calling her a «whore» and using similar epithets. The protagonist of Emily in Paris recounted that the abuse crushed and silenced her at this stage and that the situation triggered feelings of «panic and fear» in her and also had negative effects on her body that made her physically ill. «My skin was breaking out. I was having these panic attacks and I had kidney infections», the actress recalled, noting that she did not realise at the time that there was a connection between her health and her unhealthy relationship. Alluding to the fact that she struggled with an eating disorder, she added: «When prey felt threatened, they made themselves as small as possible, possibly by not eating, by making themselves look as least juicy and enticing as possible and that’s where they felt the safest».

Today, many years have passed and Lily is happily married to Charlie McDowell. But although she has a healthy relationship based on trust and dialogue, the past has left scars that still hurt. Some things have a trigger effect on her and still cause those moments of panic and pain: 

«The situations are completely different 10 years ago to now. That panic is what I can still get triggered by. Even if I’m in the most healthy relationship, there can be a moment that happens throughout the day where history comes back like that. It’s like a millisecond, or shorter than a millisecond, and your gut reacts, your heart starts beating, and all of a sudden you’re taken back to that moment where they said that thing to you 10 years ago, but you’re not in that situation now and that’s the trigger and it’s f–king hard. It’s awful.»