Do we still want to spend Christmas with the family?

The family unit, still in 2023, remains the cornerstone of society, the preferred (or obligatory, in some cases) place to spend holidays, based on both religious and social foundations. However, the traditional idea of family is increasingly showing its limitations. Firstly, new types of families are emerging—same sex and single-parent families, those formed by friends collectively raising a child, open or rainbow families, and those without children. What does it mean not to have a traditionally defined family in 2023? And furthermore, what does family mean when detached from its boundaries of blood, belief, and habit?

Family is not only love, affection, and community 

The truth is, we don't know. We haven't fully explored the possible alternatives yet. Family can be a toxic, destructive environment, terrible for anyone who doesn't want to fully conform to its norms and beliefs. But those who decide to take the bold step and break away are still often met with blame. "Blood is thicker than water!" "You never betray your family!" But what if blood betrays you and your identity? It takes a lot of courage to distance oneself from the family nucleus. After all, it goes against two centuries of specific social order and thousands of years of human history. The judgment of those close to us weighs heavily, and those who leave are always seen as more in the wrong than those who stay, even if staying means suppressing oneself or succumbing to intense psychological stress, as in the case of the Oldest Sister Syndrome.

A society that isolates us 

Giving up family support, even when it hurts, becomes practically impossible in today's hyper-capitalistic and individualistic society, which isolates and fragments us. Everything is personal and customized. We work 8 hours a day, spend another 2 on transportation, feeling drained and unhappy, with music in our ears to avoid hearing our neighbors. Homes are small, leisure time for group activities is scarce, and nothing is free. We move for study or work, losing contact with friends from the previous place. We overshare our entire lives on social media, having no secrets from anyone, yet no one is close. The times of Seinfeld, where people went to great lengths to pick up or drop off someone at the airport, embarking on long city traverses, crammed into a car for companionship, are over. Now, we don't ask for favors, and we don't have time to do them. How do you make new friends in your 30s? From these speeches, some of which may be true, emerges a cynical and black vision of existence that does not respond to reality: there is hope, and we are not alone. 

Statistics and social networks 

According to Karl Pillemer, a sociologist at Cornell University, family estrangement is a genuine stigma affecting more people than we thought. From his research, the professor found that 27% of Americans have completely cut ties with a family member or been excluded by someone, in a painful manner. That's 67 million people, and probably more, as many refuse to discuss such delicate matters or become aware of the problem. Furthermore, according to his latest book titled "Fault Lines: Fractured Families and How to Mend Them," of the 1300 people interviewed, 10% have been estranged from a parent or child, 8% from a sibling, and 9% from an extended family member such as a cousin, grandparents, aunts, or uncles. While this book aims to address the issue from the perspective of those who are estranged, on social media, we can witness the other side—those who estrange. Young people often realize sooner what weighs on them and what they no longer want to endure. They frequently decide to cut all ties, sharing the details of their choice on platforms like TikTok, often attaching manipulative messages received from the estranged person and trying to justify the reasons behind their decision.

Alternative communities 

The truth is that the concept of family is fluid, still to be reinvented, and currently in a moment of crisis and transformation. Millennials and Gen Z are attempting, often at their own expense, to bear the weight of seeking (and creating) alternative forms of support and community. They do so with the help of TV shows and movies that utilize one of the most beloved tropes by the younger generation: that of the found family, the alternative family. Friends, colleagues, roommates, neighbors, but not only. The community starts from the neighborhood, collective spaces to reclaim, the park nearby, the local fruit vendor, and the bar. One act of care at a time.